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In This Issue:
Featured Wellness Message: Sitting with Negative Thoughts
Upcoming Media Spotlight: Discover Ways to Heal from Binge Eating Disorder: Live Conversation with Dr. Gia and Debra Hopkins, Oct. 20, 10 a.m. PST
Recommended Resource: Radical Compassion by Tara Brach
My Featured Blog Post: Pandemic Impact: Are You Ready to Reassess and Rebalance?
My Recent Blog Post: How Can You Improve and Strengthen Your Relationships?
My Latest Psychology Today Article: Do You Ever Say to Yourself, “I Can’t Control My Eating”?
Sitting with Negative Thoughts
One of the most challenging things I do on a regular basis is sit with my own uncomfortable thoughts. Literally. When I feel in my body or I have thoughts in my mind that I have wronged someone, been insensitive or hurtful, or acted against my personal values, I physically sit down in a safe place, take some deep breaths, and allow my chest to open to what is going on. I take a few minutes to acknowledge the thoughts and emotions, and then I let them fade away. And then I go on with the rest of my day.
Why do I do this? And why am I telling you about it?
Because it’s preventive medicine.
Because dwelling on negative thoughts can easily lead to feelings of shame: I can’t believe how thoughtless I was! … Why did I allow my preoccupations to keep me from listening and being present? … What’s wrong with me? … I’m not a good friend.
But if you can intersect the path from feeling bad about something you did to believing you are bad, then you avoid the toxic shame that keeps us stunted. When you can circumvent the harmful self-talk before it even starts, the path leads to growth and healing instead.
I invite you to try the proven technique of sitting with your uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. It’s free, it only takes a couple of minutes, it doesn’t require any special equipment, and you don’t need a prescription for it, yet it’s effective medicine for the soul. Give it a try this week.
Discover Ways to Heal from Binge Eating Disorder
Live Conversation with Dr. Gia and Debra Hopkins, Oct. 20, 10 a.m. PST
Please tune in at 10 a.m. PST on Wednesday, October 20, 2021, to hear a great conversation about how to heal from binge eating disoder. I’ll be chatting with the founder and director of the Breaking the Chains Foundation, a nonprofit wellness and advocacy foundation that uses art and other means to fight back against the prevalence of eating disorders, disordered eating, and negative body image and to strengthen the links of prevention, recovery and ending stigma.
Debra Hopkins and I will be discussing my book, The Binge Eating Prevention Workbook, and we’ll be available for the live Q&A that follows.
​Register here to watch our live conversation. I hope to see you there!
Getting Out of the Trance of Unworthiness
How to heal from toxic shame
One of many messages I try to instill in clients is that no feelings are “bad.” A feeling may be unwelcome, but it’s not inherently bad. And, thoughts may be unhelpful, but pushing them away is not helpful.
Even a feeling like shame has a healthy form, according to Tara Brach, an author and keynote speaker whose work illuminates the powerful intersection of psychology and mindfulness when it comes to emotional healing.
Brach believes that when our bad feelings cause us to believe we are bad, we enter a trancelike state: We operate as if in a dream, not aware of the bigger reality. Toxic shame—over what we did or should have done, or what we look like or don’t look like, or who we are or aren’t—keeps us contracted, closed off, and blind to the bigger picture of our true self.
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​Healthy shame, on the other hand, invites us to open to negative thoughts and feelings without taking on their identities as our own. With healthy shame, we open, grow, discover, and heal. We transform. To experience healthy shame, according to Brach, self-compassion is key. You can read all about the science and soul-awakening of a self-compassion practice in her book Radical Compassion. You can also watch Tara Brach discuss shame, healing, and transformation in this excellent 50-minute video.
“A healthy self-love means we have no compulsion to justify to ourselves or others why we take vacations, why we sleep late, why we buy new shoes, why we spoil ourselves from time to time. We feel comfortable doing things which add quality and beauty to life.” —Andrew Matthews
Pandemic Impact: Are You Ready to Reassess and Rebalance?
How to act more intentionally, instead of reactively, in the wake of COVID-19
The pandemic has impacted nearly every human on this planet. Reports of feeling hopeless and experiencing covid anxiety continue. Your mental well-being may be suffering. But no matter where you are on the COVID lockdown spectrum, there are simple things you can do to feel safer, more secure, and empowered.
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To gain some traction in a world that feels unstable, it helps to look at your situation from a different perspective. Because what used to be your go-to coping strategy may no longer work. To that end, you may need to apply your skills differently or gain new ones. You may need to partner with a support person. Or you may need to change your vision of success all together.
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Things that you highly valued in the past may be less important to you now. Other values may have risen to the top of what you care about. What values are your highest priorities now?
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Be sure to take stock of what you’re doing right. Observe when you feel better, safer, or less burdened. Acknowledging even the smallest achievements can help you to exert positive control and embrace acceptance.
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For more tips on weathering the uncertainty and fear a pandemic can bring, read my full blog post.
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How Can You Improve and Strengthen Your Relationships?
Being vulnerable may be the missing link to building strong bonds
Opening up, sharing, and letting people in is key to building a healthy relationship. Yet, being vulnerable around a loved one isn’t easy. Part of the reason is that vulnerability can feel like a weakness, and being emotionally vulnerable can be very discomforting.
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Yet, one of the best ways to build a strong relationship and increase intimacy is to show your true self, to open up. While it might seem easier to bottle things up, we need to be vulnerable to grow, understand new perspectives, and connect with others.
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Want to know how to be more vulnerable? Read my full blog post to discover four constructive ways to becoming more open with your loved ones.
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Do You Ever Say to Yourself, “I Can’t Control My Eating”?
Stop binge eating by changing how you think about your behaviors
“I can’t control my eating” is a common refrain among those with eating disorders or disordered eating behaviors. They describe their experience as if an alien has taken over their bodies and is calling the shots.
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Most people do not enjoy the feeling of being out of control, whether it’s with emotions, major stressors, or food. You may have tried to stop binge eating, with little success. It’s possible that trying to get rid of your symptoms may be the wrong approach.
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Although it sounds counterintuitive, disordered eating may be an attempt at self-protection. Maybe binge eating is trying to tell you that learning to tolerate negative emotions or build closer relationships should be more of a priority. Maybe binge eating is letting you know that it’s time to change your beliefs about body image, dieting, thinness, or muscularity. Maybe binge eating is showing you that denying your genetic makeup is setting you up to fail. Or, binge eating may be protecting you from a traumatic memory.​
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Instead of trying to get rid of behaviors, listen to your symptoms with an open mind as a way to address binge eating. Read my full article for tips on zeroing in on what your eating disorder may be telling you.
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